The Complete History of America, Abridged - Adam

"Go US!"

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Comedy

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"Amerigo Vespucci was his name. Charting land masses was his game."

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As the Elder of this group would you do the honors, Sits Down To Pee?"

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"The Pilgrims perfected the art of good livin', they carved up the land and invented Thanksgivin'."

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"Wanted: Minoot men to form colonial . . . I could have sworn I said 'minute men.'"

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"If you guarantee all those rights, people are going to be saying all kinds of crazy stuff and pissing each other off."

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"I can't believe the Bill of Rights is due tomorrow."

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"Hey, Clark, what's the capital of North Dakota?" "I don't know, Lewis. What is the capital of North Dakota?" "About forty-three cents!"

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"But then he said he's gay, So he was blown away, By the nervous homophobic boys of Company A! "

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"You're listening to WXYZ, abridged radio."

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"I wanted to make love to her in the worst way - standing up in a hammock."

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Photos © Francis Moran Photography