The Complete History of America, Abridged - Adam

"Go US!"

Comedy

"Amerigo Vespucci was his name. Charting land masses was his game."

As the Elder of this group would you do the honors, Sits Down To Pee?"

"The Pilgrims perfected the art of good livin', they carved up the land and invented Thanksgivin'."

"Wanted: Minoot men to form colonial . . . I could have sworn I said 'minute men.'"

"If you guarantee all those rights, people are going to be saying all kinds of crazy stuff and pissing each other off."

"I can't believe the Bill of Rights is due tomorrow."

"Hey, Clark, what's the capital of North Dakota?" "I don't know, Lewis. What is the capital of North Dakota?" "About forty-three cents!"

"But then he said he's gay, So he was blown away, By the nervous homophobic boys of Company A! "

"You're listening to WXYZ, abridged radio."

"I wanted to make love to her in the worst way - standing up in a hammock."

Photos © Francis Moran Photography